...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
