Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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