I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
