Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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