Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
