You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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