Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
