Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
