I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
