guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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