We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
