i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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