i permit you to call me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
