He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
