so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
