i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
