as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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