I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
