I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
