woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
