I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
