The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
