How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
