Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
