My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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