How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
