dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this just has baby written all over it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
