8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
