Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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