pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
