I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
