somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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