I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
