I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
