Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
