I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
