Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
