I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
