that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
