these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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