The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
