Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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