It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
