Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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