Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
