i just wanna soil my oats bro
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
