you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
