So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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