So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
