never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
