Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
