We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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